We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize