I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize