I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
