Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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