Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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