I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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