Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
