I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
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I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
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i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I party with great urgency now.
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