so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
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i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
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She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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