Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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