please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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