Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
