all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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