Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
