it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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