if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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