remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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