He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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