She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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