Sry I called you an 8
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
