there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
