Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
