We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
