Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Watching her eat just hurts me
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I am naked and annoyed.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
