im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
im holly from the hills drunk
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
