Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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