I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
