the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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