i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
