I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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