it wasn't lemon gatorade
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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