Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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