I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
