i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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