I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
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I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My feet surprised me
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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