It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
