I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Four minutes until I can fart!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
