gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
