im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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