State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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