Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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