where am i from again
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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