when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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