i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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