somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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