i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
