I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
