Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
handjob tips. give me some.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
