i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
