Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
