I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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