This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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