In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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