i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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