I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
