so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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