Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
