I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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