Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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