please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
