i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
