Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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