Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
