Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
