Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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