fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
