i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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