i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's shark week go big or go home
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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