i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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