i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize