The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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