I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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