Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
