I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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