its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
