I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
