I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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