I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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