Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
